Tools for Safeguarding Your Marriage 

Truths about marriage are well established in Scripture. Marriage is ordained by God, established for His purposes, and reflects Christ’s relationship to the church. What isn’t spelled out quite as clear is that marriage stands as a paradoxical encounter in life: both a terrific challenge and an immeasurable blessing. 

Strong marriages don’t evolve from two perfectly matched soul-mates coming together in relationship. God builds strong marriages from two people with very different backgrounds, contrasting personalities, and opposing dreams. But, who commit to a covenant marriage between a party of three. Two who lean on, learn from, and love One powerful yet intimate and involved God. He provides the perseverance, love, and grace to work through difficult times that come to every couple.

Conflict exists whether you’ve been married a few months or several decades. Each season of life brings new challenges to a marriage. New stressors. New layers of emotions with changing circumstances and realities to face. 

Also, a couple does not reach a point where everything come up roses, minus thorns, with constant contentment, peace and romance. We should never relax our efforts to preserve and safeguard our marriage; never stop working to love our spouse well.

Yes. Some days love takes work. Because some days we don’t even like each other.  On those days, when the rubber meets the road, we rely on agape love, like the Father pours out to us, and we choose to say, “I love you even when you aren’t lovable. When you don’t deserve my love, I will love you still.” In marriage, many times, we find ourselves on either side of that statement.

Finally, no marriage rises above potential attacks of the enemy. Therefore, we must keep our arsenal full of strategic, well maintained weapons to battle whatever tactics the enemy brings against our marriages. Here are a few:

1. Continually pray for God’s protection and mercy over your spouse and marriage. Sounds easy enough. But our prayer lists, and lives, fill up with concerns for everyone else, while prayers for our own partner and relationship slip to the bottom of the list where the ink fades. Praying for each other should be an unrivaled priority. Do battle to keep it at the forefront of your marriage strategy.

2. Know what God says about marriage by studying His Word. Ask Him to reveal where any misconceptions or erroneous ideas from the world have tarnished or warped your expectations.

3. Regularly seek godly wisdom for your relationship:  

• • • Team up with other married women with whom you can share your frustrations and concerns. Maybe it’s one woman or three groups of women. Just find each other. Share the hard and ugly stuff. Be willing to tear down facades and swallow pride. These are not husband-bashing sessions, but times to hear, encourage and support each other in our marriage journeys. Commit to pray for each other.

• • • Be in relationship with someone who has lived and survived your season of marriage and can offer insight and encouragement for what you are encountering. Be assured, you are not the first woman to face the issues your marriage now confronts.

• • • There are some fabulous resources on marriage on the market today. Books (e.g. Fierce Marriage and Sacred Marriage), podcasts, and retreats, all based on Christ-centered teachings providing encouragement and practical ideas to work through the rough places.

4. Never, ever take your focus off of your own relationship with Jesus. The moment you drop your gaze to something (or someone) else, be ready for an attack from the enemy who watches carefully for a vulnerable spot to strike. He’s no gentleman. He will come after your marriage with vengeance if Jesus is removed from your Center.

At any given time, our marriages can be our “hard” or our “treasure”. We will weave in and out of these two perspectives throughout our years together. But with every hard we work through, the treasures held within marriage glow brighter and more precious. Christ transforms our valentine card, eros love into a mighty agape stronghold and refuge, producing one of the most priceless treasures we can experience in this life.

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A special love note to those whose marriages have failed: “But by the grace of God, there go I”, spoken with humble and honest conviction. Your marriage may have failed. But God’s love for you has not. And never will. Some of you have borne, or are bearing, great disappointment, pain, abuse, or betrayal. My heart aches for you. I am praying for you. Remember: “But, Jesus”. (http://www.revablaker.com/2019/01/24/2-words-chock-full-of-power/ ) Our God is a Righteous Redeemer (Job 19:25). Our Rescuer and Deliverer.  Cling to Him. He has abundant hope-filled plans for your future (Jeremiah 29:11).