Few among us have lived untouched by the fall-out of sexual sin in a marriage, either directly or indirectly. Many forms of sexual sin exist that haunt a family, including but not limited to: pornography, lust, emotional attachment, adultery. Whatever weapon Satan uses, the resulting inflamed wounds are the same:  betrayal and broken hearts. (If you are this one, feeling the sting of betrayal and picking up the pieces of your broken heart, you can skip to the last paragraph of this writing.)

These wounds are familiar because my family battled this storm for years when I was young. Healing and reconciliation has occurred since then, thank you Jesus, but those sustained winds resulted in much loss, confusion and pain.

Sexual impurity and infidelity can morph a marriage from a place of beauty and security to a raging battleground. How do we avoid this tragedy? Confrontations and temptations come from all sides, and justifications abound in this world for our wayward thoughts and actions. What do we do with the hard of sexual temptation?

1. Recognize the early whispers. We know in our gut in one glance if a relationship has changed from friendly to flirtatious.  From trustworthy to dangerous. In that moment, that first inkling things are running awry, we must make like Joseph and flee. (Genesis 39:10-12) The goal is not to see how close we can get to the fire without being burned, but Wisdom warns us to stay away from that flame altogether. (Proverbs 5:8; the “door” is that which leads to temptation). This stands true for any sexual enticements outside of the boundaries God has set to protect the beautiful oneness and sanctity of a marriage.

2. Take to heart the red flags waving. God sends us warnings at every turn when we toy with thoughts, emotions or behaviors that clasp our hand on the doorknob, tempted to crack open the entry to this ugly, unwanted thief. As the battle grows strong in our minds, our Father sends lifelines of truth, moments of clarity, to dispel doubt that what we’re considering stands indefensible. Our responsibility requires we heed His warnings and break off any encounters or actions pulling us into this minefield. He promises His strength to do so. (Psalm 28:7). Our Deliverer stands ready to rescue us at our first cry for help. (Psalm 70:5)

3. Acknowledge and repent. But, what if the line lies behind us, already crossed? We hesitate and delay taking our struggles to the Lord. Shame keeps our back turned to Him. We fear God will not understand and will turn His back on us.

He won’t, you know. Walking away from us goes against the very character of who He is: Faithful. Forgiving. Loving. He will stand by His children. His forgiveness, unending. His love for us will not fail. He walks every step of the struggle, a firm grip on our hand, giving loving guidance and strength to walk away from whatever entangles us.

Or, maybe we’re afraid that God will take our private obsession from us, that in all honesty, we’re enjoying. It’s an escape. It makes us feel good and alive with false expectation. And we are right to think so. He most certainly requires the behaviors removed. He will not leave us in our sin. He breaks through painful barriers we have erected, as He rips apart the bars built with lies that imprison us. Truth is exposed, by slashing the attractive, paper-thin mask covering sin, revealing to us the horrifying reality; and how far from His Holiness we have wandered. Those are deeply painful moments. 

So, why in the world would we take our struggle and sins before a holy God knowing what’s coming? Because, as He removes sin from our life, He replaces it with a deeper joy and peace than we have known. We walk with a lightness in a new dance of freedom we’ve never experienced. A depth of joy swirls up inside us as we are released from bondage and our sin is washed far from us. As we experience victory in Jesus, we also know a new depth of understanding of His unconditional love and deep oceans of forgiveness. When we give our sexual sin over to the Lord, the measure of the beautiful things God brings into our life compared to the measure of the ugliness of sin He removes is radically disproportionate. 

4. Do battle. Grab hold of the lifeline of truth He has thrown toward you. You see it. Grab it. Don’t turn away. Put on the armor of God’s provided you and go to battle. (Ephesians 6:10-17) Pursue confession and accountability with a trusted friend and/or counselor.  With God’s help, all things are possible. And the resulting freedom, joy and peace pile up treasures beyond measure.

Now we change focus to you who weep, having felt the brutal bite of betrayal. I am so sorry for your pain and turmoil. Empty your soul to Him: the anger, the pain, the broken dreams. Continue to do this over and over until healing comes. And it will. The empty place in your heart He fills with Himself. The turmoil ceases. Joy returns. For the love of our gracious Father is complete. Trustworthy, He will never betray you. He is the Lover of your soul who will never leave you or forsake you. Ever. I pray this blessing over you, my dear one:

“The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.”
(Numbers 6:24-26)