“A little child steps on our toes. But as they grow older, they step on our hearts.” This shared truth when our kids are little people, bouncing through summer with bare feet, sticky popsicle faces, and easy giggles doesn’t penetrate our understanding. But as they grow and stretch their wings out from under our guidance and protection, we begin to feel the ache, torment, and sorrow of watching a child’s bad decisions and actions. This can range from poor choices, the difficult consequences looming large ahead, to outright spit-in-the-face attitudes that wreak havoc on our trampled heart.

No matter the severity of the offense, there are three P’s that we can implement to help us weather the storm. Tho these may apply to younger ones still under our authority, today we consider their use for older children in the transitioning years out of the home, or already adults making their way on their own.

1. Perspective. In the middle of a difficult time with an older child, we fear this will last forever. Worries pile upon worry that nothing will change and they will be stuck in this rut, this behavior, for the rest of their days. At this point, help comes by stepping out of our viewpoint and seeing the situation from two other perspectives: that of our child. And that of our God. 

Our children are individuals who have had experiences we know nothing about. They have challenges and issues we have not encountered. They are facing mindsets and viewpoints we did not face. Truths clear to us are foggy and confusing to them. Our skills and strengths that have seen us through rough times are not the same as theirs. As we step out of ourselves, and see things from their vantage point, compassion takes the place of judgement and understanding cools our anger and slows our shaking heads.

But the perspective that issues in hope, belongs to our Father. Where we get bogged down in the moment, His panorama is broader, for He knows their life from conception to final breath. He understands their inner thoughts and motives. He sees the silent wrestling. He witnesses the conflict in their soul. He knows those hidden experiences that have shaped them in ways we don’t get. He perceives in detail what this child must encounter to bring them to a place of repentance; His outlook clarified through the lens of His great love and compassion for them. His frame of reference, always eternal.

2. Perseverance. We must never give up on our child. Ever. If the rebellion and struggle last decades, so must our dedication and support. Our love not desperate, allowing enabling and codependency, but a tough love, deep and strong, that says “no” when needed. 

My mom walked with nine children through rebellion, mistakes, sorrows, challenges, bad choices, the whole gamut. We were not an easy bunch, but we always knew mom remained our soft place to fall. She expressed her disappointment and concern.  She challenged our thinking. She did not hide the tears that our decisions cost her. But she never pulled her love out from under us. Her steadfastness and determination to see us through, alike unto her Lord’s, followed us in a pursuit we could not escape. 

Our children need this level of perseverance. We will not always support our child’s decisions. But we must always support our child. We must reassure them of our love for them over and over in a language they clearly hear and with actions they clearly see.

3. Prayer. We cannot see what happens in the heart of our child. But God can. We cannot understand the spiritual battle raging around them. But God does. We don’t have the strength to see this through. But we serve an almighty, all-powerful God who never slumbers nor sleeps. We don’t have the wisdom to know what is needed. But He stands all-knowing and altogether wise. We cannot imagine what must transpire to shake this child out of their lethargy and rebellion. God not only knows, He is able to bring it to pass.

So, to Him we bring our concerns. At His feet we lay our worries. In His capable hands we place the very life of our child. All the love we pour upon them all the days of our lives, is but a drop in the ocean of love He carries every moment for His created one. Through prayer and supplication, we release our child to the Almighty, not comprehending the power unleashed when we fall before His throne to plead for them.

Our Father has dealt with disappointment in His kids since the Garden of Eden. He has witnessed time after time our rebellious spirit and foolish decisions. His heart has ached each time we have turned our back on His love and teaching to do our own thing. He shed a tear for for every hurt that came to us, causing us to lash out against Him. As He waited with immeasurable, long-suffering love and patience for us to respond to His beckoning and turn to Him, so he waits for this child. 

So take heart, dear friend, though weary from doing battle with this rebellious one. Gather hope, even as you watch the back of your prodigal walking away. Find courage, my sister, so exhausted from constant fear.

You have an Ally; a Warrior standing with you. A Great Redeemer working with you. Jesus. He will help you implement perspective, perseverance and prayer until this child joins you at the foot of the cross; relinquishing all they have fought for, ending all their strife, and beginning a new life of joy and peace.

Photo by Atharva Tulsi on Unsplash