We choose many things in our lives. What we wear to our chosen place to dine. Where we hang out. How we earn a living. But there are many things we do not choose. The weather each day. The family into which we are born. What crises and troubles befall us.

Our tribe gathered this past week-end for a celebration. Posted pictures depict faces full of love and laughter. But each smile represents individuals with very different stories, living through unique challenges and hurts. In whispered comments between two, or quiet conversations in small circles, doors cracked open and light shed on continuing trouble and burdens carried. Not one had chosen or instigated their difficult circumstances. Yet, I was struck that in each situation, forgiveness was being extended.

Why? Because the Biblical truth that forgiveness results in forgiveness has been taught and modeled to us. Since God has forgiven His children, we in turn are to forgive others.

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14,15

“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

R.T. France says, “The point is not so much that forgiving is a prior condition of being forgiven, but that forgiveness cannot be a one-way process. Like all God’s gifts it brings responsibility; it must be passed on. To ask for forgiveness on any other basis is hypocrisy.” 

How God deals with us is our pattern for dealing with others. Mulling this over, I find myself contemplating two words. “What if?” 

What if we choose not to forgive? What if we choose to hold onto hurts and wrongs done to us, each a brick to build our platform of justification for anger and hostility? What if we fill the hole left by someone who took back their love and walked away, with bitterness and resentment? What if we choose not to overlook another’s shortcomings, keeping a running list of offenses?

Hanging onto hurts stifles joy. Clinging to anger prevents us, and others, from journeying into new areas of happiness and fellowship. Harbored lists of wrong-doings link together like a metal chain that clanks behind us, dragging each step, weighing down our journeys.

Though we don’t choose the hurts and hard in our lives, we do choose how to respond. We can choose to live in a prison built with steel bars of resentment, anger, bitterness, revenge and pain. Or, we can choose to forgive, extend grace, and live free of bondage.

Forgiveness can be quick and instantaneous. Or it can be hard and take years to fully achieve. Forgiveness can be a one-time event, or it may be on going as hurts and offenses occur over a long period of time. Even when the offender does not repent or say “I’m sorry”, forgiveness can be offered.

Forgiveness does not mean:

• every wrong is made right
• we bury the hurt, pretending it never happened
• there are no consequences
• relationships go on trouble-free
• boundaries do not need to be set to provide protection of body and soul

The correlation of our forgiving others and God forgiving us begins a new list of “what ifs”, but with a different spin. What if God required me to earn His love and forgiveness? What if He chose not to pardon me over and over and over? What if He did not offer His ongoing love and endless grace to set me free of all my wrongs toward Him and others? What if He collected my sins and wrongs, listing them in a ledger of condemnation, then threw the weight of it at my feet? (Did that make your stomach lurch as it did mine?)

Forgiveness means we extend unmerited grace and mercy, because God has offered the same to us. As we release forgiveness to another, God releases us by cutting the chains of anger and hurt that weigh us down. The vacuum left in our souls from absent love can be filled with God’s perfect love, powerful peace, and contentment, when we forgive.

Forgiveness loosens the cords that bind our souls and is one of the greatest tools God has given us to walk through our hard, victorious. 

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash